Joy and grief are one coin.

Paper plate given to me by the students at the prison.

Earlier this week, I attended the graduation ceremony for the semester at the women’s prison. I left feeling heavy even though the event itself was joyful.

While waiting for the graduation to start, I spoke with one of my students who is being released in about 60 days. She’s been in prison for some time.

She told me of her fear of going out into the free world and being alone. She’s not sure how she’s going to manage. Her husband died a couple of years after being incarcerated.

At 55, she said she felt she did not know how to be on her own.

Prison makes no sense. It does not address any of the reasons why people fall apart or do the things that hurt themselves or others.

I came home that afternoon and could not really name the feelings I was experiencing. I’ve heard so many terrible stories from my students. This one was not new.

But in my morning meditation the following day, I sat and, after a couple of minutes, the tears came.

My granddaughter came to mind.

I acknowledged that I don’t want her to suffer, and yet she will.

I thought of the parents of those women and how most never imagined that their daughters would suffer as they have. I cried and felt profound grief. Each one of those women are my daughter and granddaughters.

There’s no way around this grief.

As much as we pursue success and happiness, there’s no way that everyone and everything we love and know will not suffer. We can’t shield ourselves or them.

I realized in my tears that joy and grief are one coin. It’s the currency of being human.

We can’t have one without the other.

In our culture, grief is often put aside and done in private. We don’t really show others our heartaches. We tend to look at grief as something we can avoid if we just don’t pay any attention to it. Or when we face the terror of loss, we don’t really share it or post it anywhere.

Maybe we’re missing out on grief.

Grief can do many things.

It tenderizes the heart.

It humanizes.

It plants seeds of compassion, allowing us to see ourselves and everyone else in a clear, humble light.

It sharpens our awareness of the fragility of life, transforming everyday experiences into one of a kind moments.

It deepens relationships, connections, and community, showing us that our differences are often superficial.

It provides the training ground for each of us to develop our courage, resilience, and purpose.

It expands our emotional capacity, allowing us to experience our one and precious human lives more fully.

We do the best we can when we let the tears flow.